It seems strange in this day and age, when so many things are accepted as normal and people are more open about talking about a variety of topics than ever before, that the topic of money is still considered a taboo. In fact, people get very cagey when asked about money and quite defensive, as if whatever they answer is going to be wrong.
Why is it wrong to talk about money?
I think that part of the reason why people generally don’t talk about money, is the fact that it can come across as bragging, especially if you are more well off, or are doing particularly well with your finances. And nobody likes a show off, right? Talking about you have, or don’t have, can often make other people feel jealous, or envy. It can make people feel uncomfortable, or ashamed. No one wants to be made to feel like that. The other side of the coin here is that people worry that if they are doing particularly well, or have a lot of wealth, that they might be taken advantage of. People might start to ask for handouts, or help with their own money, which can cause a lot of frustration and awkwardness on both parties.
Another reason why people are reluctant to talk about money is lack of confidence in their own knowledge. Financial education is going to be taught in schools in the UK from September, finally, so hopefully the next generations are much more clued up about money from a young age. There are many, many adults who lack the basic understanding of money, and therefore lack confidence in talking about money, especially if they are struggling. Asking for help but unable to put into words why you are struggling, because of lack of knowledge, is the most difficult step. The world of finance is a slightly daunting and confusing, and it has been made to be like that! Financial institutions make a lot of money based on the assumption that people don’t know enough about money to make their own decisions. There are plenty of places online to learn about money and finances in general, to make you feel more confident about money.
Fear of being judged by others is also a very real concept about talking about money. People fear being judged, rightly or wrongly, for how they approach their own finances. You often learn about money from parents, or from friends, or the hard way through debt and back through the other side, and all of these are very personal pathways on the journey. You learn habits about money over time, and these may be positive habits or negative ones. One of the reasons why I started this blog was to help people become more secure with their own finances, and show that anyone can become confident with money and reach their dreams, no matter what the direction. We’re starting right at the beginning of our early retirement journey on the blog, which I hope will inspire people to do the same! I would never judge people for not being frugal, or being really frugal, because we’re all different and that is what makes us all unique. Everyone’s journey is going to be different, and exciting, and scary, but that’s the genius of the plan.
The only way to change the mindset about talking about money is to start talking about it! Not all of the time, but when you need to, whether it be asking a question, or offering advice, then please talk about it. The only way to change tradition is to go against the norm and do the opposite.
Do you talk about money? Why do you think it’s a difficult topic?
Guest posts wanted! If you are a personal finance blogger or simple living blogger, I’m looking for some guest posts for the months of August and September to help me out as I’ll be quite busy with a new baby. If you are interested, please send me an email!
Nice post, FC.
I did not realise that financial education was going to be taught from September. I am so glad to hear that though I doubt it will be very good to begin with (or very extensive). Hopefully it will be refined and improved over time.
I agree, it is an odd thing that money is seen as being a taboo even within families in many cases.
I think the issue is the scorecard function money has for some people: “I have more money than you and therefore I am worth more than you.” Maybe if children are encouraged to talk and think about money more openly with their peers at a young age we will see this shift in the future. Let’s hope so.
You’re right as well about the fact that the more financially insecure you are the more it becomes taboo. To quote no greater authority than Simply Red: “Money’s too tight to mention.” Yet it is at that point it is most important to talk about it!
We talk about money, but I find it hard to discuss with someone. Money still remains a taboo subject. We’re taught it’s impolite to talk about how much something cost or how much money someone earns. We know that personal money is private. I don’t know if I myself only experience this that there is a loud silence in the room when we talk about our personal finances.
I think a big reason we don’t talk money numbers (though we do talk money *principles* with some friends and family) is because money is so inherently unequal. It’s not like most things, where anyone can go out and get that thing or do that thing. With money, so much of it is about privilege, what you have access to, what sort of education you got, maybe plenty of luck. It’s also super emotional. We don’t ever think for a second that we are better than those who earn less than us — we know that we were lucky in a million ways, and made the best of the opportunities presented to us. But we know not everyone has those same opportunities, and the last thing we’d ever want to do is highlight that for someone else. It’s so tough, because certainly most people would be better off if we could talk openly about money, or at least about how to manage it smartly and use it to our advantage, not detriment!
You are absolutely right; equality, or lack of it, is a very big part of why money isn’t spoken about, even though it would help in the long run!
I think there is still a lot of taboo about discussing money. A friend and I have recently started on frugal / non-consumer lifestyles and have found it liberating to discuss finances. My husband and I have overpaid our mortgage for years (working hard and not living an extravagant lifestyle but not going without anything). My parents recently gifted us some money which meant we paid our mortgage off 3 years earlier than we had planned. Whilst I’m really proud to have done this (before I reach 40) I’ve not really been able to share my achievement with many people!