This is going to be a relatively personal post, since this is something I am definitely struggling with at the moment. I am going to discuss what’s bothering me and how I’m trying to deal with it in a simple and stress-free way.
I’ll be honest, I spend a lot of time thinking about the future. Not in the “wonder what I can do at the weekend?” but more in the lines of “By the time we retire, I want to have XYZ in place.” I spent quite a bit of time working out strategies for how we’re going to accomplish both our short term and long term aims. I spend quite a bit of time thinking about whether what I’m doing now is enough and whether we’re doing the right thing. The answer is, I think so?
But, is worrying about the future making us miss the present?
I fear it might be. I worry that actually, because I’m so consistently thinking about the future, I am kind of wishing my life away. Which is stupid! We only have one life after all, and I shouldn’t be wishing it away. There are so many things I want to achieve and experience that I often forget that everyday opens more doors of opportunity, and I shouldn’t dismiss them because they are the here and now.
Do you think that people who have more interest in finance, whether that’s in a positive or negative way, are often looking more to the future than to the present? I look forward to the month end, when I re-balance the books and look at how we’re progressing in regards to our goals. If you’re in debt, then you’re wishing your life away so that your debt free date comes and you are free from the trappings of debt.
I remember when we set the date for our wedding, counting down the days until the big day. I could not wait until our wedding day, and could have quite happily forgone the two years beforehand so that it could be the day itself. I remember when it got to 100 days away, then 50 days, then the week before. I was constantly looking to the future, so the next stage of life.
Are we continuously looking forward to the next stage of life without appreciating what we’ve got? I know I am guilty of this, some days more than others. At the moment, I am finding work slightly more stressful than normal and also much more pressured that it has been, and I find myself living for the weekends. Now, I know that a lot of people who work (obviously) prefer the weekends. Who wouldn’t, with the freedom they bring? But, I am literally wishing my life away. It is like I don’t know how to appreciate the present, when there is something to look forward to in the future. The future is this part of life you can daydream about; it can be as positive and as exciting as you make it.
Part of the reason why, in my Weekend Edition posts, I try and find 5 things I’ve either enjoyed or been grateful for in the past week, is so that I see good and exciting things in the present. It makes me think about what has happened in the past week that I should appreciate; after all, I live a pretty good life and should be grateful for that. I have a job that I enjoy (most of the time) and I can never say I’m bored during the day. I need to enjoy the present, as well as planning for the future. Because, after all, who really knows what’s going to happen tomorrow?
Do you agree? Have you any tips for how to make sure I enjoy the monotony of everyday life?
Thanks for sharing such a personal post. It’s not always easy to share our feelings and thought openly on personal subjects.
I think the nature of desire itself makes us long for continuous and different experiences. When one is satisfied another takes its place and so the cycle goes. I’ve been guilty of this most of my life and it is only recently that I’ve really stopped and focused my energy towards cherishing the ordinary moments.
For me cooking has been a way of honoring this skill. In the past I would hurry the process so that I could eat and move to something else. Now, I focus my attention and energy on the task, not worrying about what I’m going to do and hurrying my life away. I enjoy cutting the vegetables and mixing things together, the aromas, the tastes, running my fingers through the flour and all the little things that you just don’t notice when you hurry. Cooking works for me in practicing the art of being present. You may have something else. Whatever it is you find to practice on make it something ordinary, but something you enjoy. And trust me it will take time, but slowly you will notice that your focus stays in the moment, not just with the task you have been practicing on, but other areas as well. You will learn to be fully present wherever you are.
A good read on the subject is Thic Nhat Hanh’s book, “The Miracle of Mindfulness.” Enjoy,
The Stoic
I shall look at that book – thanks for the recommendation. I like the idea of taking time over any task, regardless of how meaningful or not it is. I enjoy cooking too, but it’s normally just the means to an end. I shall have to savour the task a bit more to make it more enjoyable 🙂
I’ll have to checj out this book. Love to read and there’s always another door open to mindfulness in my brain, mind and life any ways!
I’ve had the same concerns as well. I actually wrote a post on a very similar topic a few months ago.
I know for myself I have my life planned out 3 years or more… obviously that isn’t realistic, but I feel like I’m “messing up” when it doesn’t go according to plan, even though everything is totally fine, relatively. I’ve been working on it though. I’m trying to give myself some slack rather being so hard on myself.
I’m glad you understand where I’m coming from; we do need to try and not be so hard on ourselves!
I find myself getting caught up in my dreams sometimes too. What I do is try to make the day to day a little less monotonous and more like my dreams. Lots of the things that I think we’ll do in our dream future we could actually be doing now. We just don’t. So I guess I add more dream life practice sessions into the week. Going for a walk, making a fancy latte, and just relaxing.
Good point – little things to make life a bit more exciting 🙂
Nicola,
I think we’re all guilty of this from time to time, as it’s easy to get wrapped up in our dreams and goals that are still so far away.
They say life is a journey, not a destination. And I think financial goals, like financial independence, are the same way. Enjoying the journey is paramount, because the destination might not be what you thought it was, and riding all of your hopes on something that turns out to be a disappointment would be devastating.
It’s important to take each day for what it is: an opportunity. I hated all the days I would wake up far too early and march down to my old 9-5, but I used every day as an opportunity to write a new article, save another penny, laugh at a joke, feel the warmth of the sunshine. Not all goals need to be long-term in nature, and feeling fulfilled every single day is important.
Best regards!
Getting to the destination and then being disappointed is a big fear of mine – I don’t want it to be a big let down! I do need to be more appreciative of each day and be thankful for the journey it brings along the way.
Find ways to make your journey frugal,and fun! You can, you really can!
Guilty as charged. I don’t have a magic recipe for it either. I’m terrible at hoping for the weekend or next season to arrive. Or achieving a lifestyle milestone.
One thing I do really try to focus on is not wishing away stages for my kids. Whether it’s waking in the middle of the night or toddler tantrums (our current phases), I make an effort to soak it all in knowing that one day I’ll look back and wish I could have it again one day…
As someone who doesn’t have children (yet!), I can imagine that time probably goes by pretty quickly when you’re busy with the young ones 🙂
I think when you reach retirement like I’m doing now. You don’t wish your life away so much. Each day is a weekend to do what you want. I try and not worry about anything until it happens as it might not happen at all.
I cannot wait til all of the time I have is my own 🙂
Interesting discussion and a its so important to find a good balance.
By taking extreme measures in the short-term, we could probably knock 2-3 years off our working life and bring a happy retirement forward.
However, if you are giving up everything today, that trade-off is almost never worth the cost.
On the other hand, if we just do everything we want today, our later years in life are going to be pretty darn unpleasant!
I watched a French film the other night when the main character’s mother exclaimed (or at least well as my translation allows):
“We spend our entire lives thinking about and planning for the next stage of life. Let me tell you, the next stage never comes”
I guess its the same as tomorrow never coming!
It definitely is such a fine balancing act I think; enjoying now but preparing for the future at the same time. But, I don’t want to miss out on things now either!
I think about this quite often, too. Although I think it’s incredibly important to plan/save for your future self, I sometimes feel like my present self is missing out on something.
I sometimes feel like that too; I need to work out a better balance I think.
Nicola,
I’m definitely guilty of the same thing. Dreaming up and achieving goals is such a big part of my life that I sometimes forget to enjoy the now too.
It’s weird to think that we’re both enjoying some of the best and highest quality lifestyles in the entire world and yet hunger for that next level or goal. I truly believe, however, that when I’m financially independent I will truly be able to enjoy the here and now because time will become irrelevant. I’ll have all the time there is to enjoy what I do and achieve my goals.
Cheers,
NMW
I think it is a shame sometimes, that even though we have such a high standard of living, we constantly strive for more. It is hard to be content with life as it is though, but I’m working on it 🙂
Nothing wrong with planning ahead and looking to the future in my eyes, it’s human nature. We wouldn’t have gotten to where we have today without that constant feeling that we can always do better and achieve more.
However as you quite rightly say, it is necessary to relax, take stock, give ourselves a big pat on the back and enjoy the present for what it is, as often as we possibly can do!
Also, the main thing I would focus on is to try to stop “worrying” about the future as much. Planning ahead and looking forward to events is great, but as far as I’m aware worrying about it never did anyone any good. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, interesting to read! Cheers!
A tough question! I have a lot of elderly wealthy clients and many of them have saved far too much to support their lifestyles in retirement. They simply can’t spend enough and end up giving it to kids and grandkids. I’ve never really asked whether they regret not spending more when they were younger though!
There is a very fine balance to be struck if you want to tread the line of having just enough in retirement.
I think that your goal is to retire as early as possible. Whereas mine is to carry on working until I have enough to retire at whatever my lifestyle costs are then. I regulalry project when that might be. At the moment it’s earlier than I think it needs to be by approx 7 years, so I’m thinking of spending more.
Sorry, this is all a bit rambling! Hope it makes some sense…
I think finding the balance must be tough, as you must always want just a little more? And it’s going to be tough to know when to pull the plug! And it made perfect sense 🙂